Is this person right for me?

By Gul Suri

Barbara De Angelis says “Falling in love is powerful and magical experience”. Gossips, conversations, chitchat, emotions etc., each moment in the beginning of any relation seems perfect and right. Soon after, this attraction and craze change into a “relationship” and we are brought down to earth with challenging realities of sharing our life with another person. Then these delighted days turn into weeks, months and years. A day comes we ask ourselves “Is this person right for me”?

The point here I am trying to make is we fall in love without giving serious consideration to whether a person is right for us or not. Often as not, we select a life partner on the basis of some physical attributes and after spending much time when things are getting out of our hand we feel sorry about our decision.

When we investigate, how does a relationship start? We probably have answers like this,

1. I saw her on my sister’s marriage, she was looking beautiful in pink lehenga. 2. I always prefer tall, dark haired with a mustache and he was exactly the same. 3. She was the only daughter in her family and settled abroad so I selected her for personal interest. 4. That was my family decision. And the list goes on. After having these responses I can say that we are somehow fascinated by the movies that we watch, the poetry that we listen, the unrealistic novels that we read. We try to act this ideal world in our practical life without knowing the ground realities.

Of course, we all want to be happy in our life and want our relationships to work. So no one deliberately choose a person who will be wrong to them but decision that we make hastily does not work in life. Remember there is difference between attraction and true love. It takes just a moment for infatuation but true love takes time. “Just imagine you are sitting in a room on cold and snowy night and you want to build a fire to keep yourself warm. You have two options using newspaper for fire or log. The newspaper would create a big blaze quickly but would die out easily. The log would take longer to catch, but would burn slowly and steadily for a long time” (B.D. Angelis 1998).

To sum it up, first impression never tells you whether she or he will be a sound partner. You need time to know someone’s character, not just outer look. Therefore, this is the only formula which is workable for happiness in our life.