Struggles of a Single Mother in Pakistan

By Esha Jabeen

No one gets married with the intention of getting divorced one day and raising their kids without the support of their better half but unfortunately it’s happening as the increasing divorce rate sets an alarming issue in Pakistan. Just like in a few other countries, in Pakistan too marriage of their children is considered to be one of the biggest and sacred responsibility of the parents due to the religion of choice, Islam.  Since the early childhood, weddings are planned and as the kids grow older, almost everything from education to job is linked with the fact of getting a “good rishta”.

There was a time when marriages used to turn out really successful in majority of the cases probably because of some major reasons like more tolerance, more acceptance, less expectations and the list goes on. Things now have changed a lot. People are scared to get married because of the fear of ending up it being called off.

Divorce is no couple’s choice but the only possible solution left in the end when after almost everything has been tried to keep the marriage going. Mostly after divorces, the kids eventually stay with the mother and a new challenge of single parenting starts here for the woman.

The single mom now is prone to a lot of bashing and pressures. The very first one being going for a second marriage because of the mentality of our society that the woman alone cannot raise her kids. Apart from that, taking care of the kids and baring the expenses is no easy especially if the woman fails to find a good job. Another issue arises here of single moms being unable to get good jobs because not all organizations accept them for their expertise, some also reject single moms on absurd reasons like “This lady is a single parent, she’ll definitely be unable to give her fullest to us since she has kids back at home to be taken care of all by herself”. Therefore, teaching tuitions at home or running home based businesses are the only options she is left with.

This is just not it, the fact that the woman now has to become both mom and dad is probably the biggest challenge for her. Along with giving her kids the love and warmth of a mother, she also has to give them the security and support that a father is supposed to give to the family. As a result, most kids turn out to be rebellious due to what they’ve gone through and not having experienced the strictness of a father. Again, the blame is put on the mother for not raising her kids well without even thinking once how she has all this while struggled to do the best for her kids.

The above discussed along with many others are the challenges that a woman has to go through while raising her kids all by her own either after getting divorced or losing her partner somehow.  It’s 2019 and I feel sad to see that our society still cannot accept a single mother to live on her own and raise her kids the way she wants to. There are a few things that we as a society can do for all the single moms out there.

Even before the acceptance from the society, complete support from her own family is what makes the woman keep going. it’s really commendable that a lot of families wholeheartedly support their daughters in such cases but sadly there still are many who don’t. Such families must therefore understand that their foremost priority should be their daughter’s happiness and a peaceful life so that she can bring the same for her kids.

In order to let the single moms, make their and their kids’ lives better, it’s high time that our society must start accepting them with their reality and give them the empathy and support required to live a stable life.  The society must accept the fact that there is no harm in being a single mom as far as the woman herself is ready for it.

It’s an era of socializing and the platform can be well used to bring some betterment in the lives of single moms. Such initiatives must be taken where the single moms in the country can be brought together on board for providing support and care to each other by talking about literally anything they’re going through or have gone through, giving advices and all sorts of help to each other and also having meetups so that they can socialize too.

Last but not the least the woman should have complete faith in her that she’ll be able to raise her kids all by her own in the best possible way, like a boss! There is no power on Earth that can stop her from doing so because after all she’s a MOTHER.