Tue. Dec 1st, 2020

Of name, gender and identity

By Roshan Bano

Why?

Why is my name; exclusively my identity, twisted and distorted?

Why do I not have  full control on my name; exclusively my identity?

Why do I not have my own name; identity; the very first identity of any individual gets after birth?

Why do I not possess my name independent of the name of a person I get married to?

When a girl/woman gets married her last name or surname is immediately replace with her husband’s 1st name or middle name or last name or surname. In some girl/woman’s NAME; IDENTITY is distorted right after engagement. Fiancé could not wait till marriage. As soon as a girl get engaged to a boy her NAME; IDENTITY gets twisted and distorted to replace a part of it with a part her fiancé‘s name.

Why? This distortion of NAME; IDENTITY in the first place?

If it’s a form of expressing loves, why do men not express love for their wives the same way? Why they don’t replace their last name with either 1st or middle name or surname of their wives?

Although men are socialized and expected to express their love .Men always initiate expressing their love. Men are the who give flowers, roses, bouquets, rings, arrange treats, long drives, shower gifts, kneel, hold hands to express their love for girl/woman they are in love with yet this SO UNIQUE form of expressing love( by distorting one’s Name; identity)has not been tried by any man. Point to be noted seriously. WHY is it so, WHY???

genderAlthough women are socialized and expected not to take initiative in expressing love. Let keep aside expressing love they are socialized and expected, at least expected to pretend to be not romantic and to be very frugal in responding to the love they received! Ironically this form of expressing love that involved distortion of NAME; IDENTITY is assigned only for women.

Shouldn’t women be thankful for this exclusive privilege?

Why is this practice exclusively for women? Point to be seriously noted .WHY is it so? WHY WHY???

All married men reading this article please replace your last name with middle or last name of your wife’s name and say it loudly or at least in heart!

The distortion is not over yet!

When a girl/woman gets married she has to immediately dispose her CNIC she has so cautiously kept and apply for new CNIC! In this process not only her NAME; IDENTITY get distorted but her status as daughter in relation to her father‘s name is also removed and replaced with her status as wife in relation to her husband’s name

Why? This change (distortion) in the first place?

If it’s about show of marital status and couple’s identity in relation to each other why only for woman, why not for man as well. When man gets married he needs not to dispose his CNIC and apply for new one. His status of son in relation to his father’s name is not removed and replaced with his newly gained status as husband in relation to his wife’s name. Men’s CNIC remain intact. Point to be seriously noted .Why is it so? WHY WHY?

If this practice was not exclusively for women rather both sexes were bound to show their status on CNIC. A polygamous man’s status would be written; husband of Ghulab, Chambli,Kanwal and Sonober !

And the distortion is not over yet!

When a girl/woman gets married addressing words used for calling her name and writing her name also change. When a woman is not married Miss is added before her NAME; IDENTITY. But after she gets married she is not addressed with her NAME; IDENTITY rather she is addressed by adding Mrs. before her husband‘s middle name or last name.

Why is this change (distortion) in the first place?

If it’s about mentioning and announcing marital status of an individual why addressing words for boy/man does not change at all; after he gets married. Unlike woman; when a man gets married he is not addressed by his wife’s last name.Shouldn’t women be thankful for this exclusive privilege?

There are no separate words for addressing married and unmarried man. Whereas there are separate words to address married and unmarried women. Why is this show of marital status exclusively for women? Point to be seriously noted. Why is it so? WHY, WHY???

If a woman divorces her husband or get divorced by her husband! What about her name, her status of being wife of Mr.…….

And what if she remarries someone else for second time, what if she remarries someone else for third time. Her Name will be twisted and distorted every time she marries!

Why woman’s NAME; IDENTITY; exclusively her identity is distorted again and again! On the other hand if a man divorces his wife or gets divorced by his wife; unlike woman his NAME; INDENTITY remains intact! No matter how many times a man gets married his NAME; IDENTITY remains the same.

Why is only woman’s NAME; IDENTITY distorted to show whether she is married or unmarried? Why not man’s NAME; IDENTITY distorted to show his marital status?

Look; no individual, no institution has no right to twist, mould, distort, and snatch identity of anyone! But Alas almost every woman’s identity is distorted!

Both man and woman are equal human begins. They have the same rights as human being. These inherent rights are the most important to any societal and culturally defined practices, roles, expectations, behaviors! Called GENDER

The most woeful and lamentable thing is that women themselves are practicing this devious tradition driven by deep rooted ignorance and gender discrimination resulting in disgracing and disregarding women by distorting their NAME; the very first identity one achieves after birth!

Say NO to inhumane gender inequalities!

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