Disclaimer: The writing piece is a work of fiction and satire, any resemblance might be purely co-incidental
The Zionist and Pakistani historical literature has been conspiring against Gilgit-Baltistan from very long time about its independence. It says that GB got the independence somewhere in 1947/8 and willingly became a part of Pakistan. But a recent ground-breaking, researched, scholarly and magnum opus work by Chief Minister Gilgit-Baltistan Mehdi Shah has revealed that Gilgit-Baltistan is actually an independent country not a disputed territory or a part of Pakistan. This outstanding intellectual work has been published under the name of “Holy Confessions” by “directorate of education Gilgit-Baltistan”. Directorate of education GB is a research institute inspired by the famous “Frankfurt school of critical theory”. Its job is to ensure that only those people get the expansive education who have money or who are directly or indirectly the kins of any of member of legislative assembly. The institute only works in summers and nominates students from GB to different universities of neighboring country Pakistan while apart from summers the members of institute take naps. When asked to comment on the reason why its members take nap the head of Institute Captain retd Mohammad Nawaz Naseem said that taking a nap can be a good exercise whole year because it gives you a chance to sleep and think.
Mehdi Shah apart from having frequent visits to Crimea, Germany, China and Baltoro glacier, also writes books and articles and his featured columns In Mongolian daily “Shandong newspaper” are not only widely read but equally famous in northern Mongolia. Due to his services in literary circle of Congo Mehdi Shah was awarded the famous Congolese prize of outstanding achievement in 1984. Not a single Gilgiti knows that Mehdi Shah was awarded this prize and they continue to criticize him unjustly on the account of corruption charges and nepotism which nobody knows he has done it or not, until you go to his office and offer him a perk and he gladly accepts it.
Famous Gilgiti critique, song-writer, play writer, singer and dramatist, Jan Ali has written a detailed review of Mehdi Shah’s book in daily “Baad e Shumaal newspaper” and has praised the efforts of Chief Minister for making such brave confessions. Jan Ali has compared the book of Mehdi Shah with Dante’s “Divine comedy” and has asserted that most of the book’s content resembles it. Jan Ali however has contradicted with Mehdi Shah on one point; in the book Mehdi Shah has claimed that the lyrics of eye to eye song were written by Taher Shah himself, while Jan Ali claims that the lyrics were actually written by him. While hearing this response the secretariat of CM house GB has issued a statement that due to recent crack downs on marijuana dealers in Gilgit there is dearth of its peddlers, therefore Jan Ali is not having a dose of it from past couple of weeks this is why he is making such ludicrous statements and falsifying the genuine confessions of Chief Minister Mehdi Shah.
Mehdi Shah has also made a prophecy in his book, which goes on to claim that his party will clean sweep the upcoming elections in Gilgit. While hearing this news, members of PML-N have already started leveling the charges of fraud in elections. Mr Hafeez ur Rehman candidate of PML-N has said that his party will bag maximum seats in the upcoming elections, he has also announced that when he will come into power in Gilgit, the horse statue in front of Army Public School Gilgit will be replaced by a statue of lion because it is his party’s symbol.
Nationalist elements have been so far silent on the controversial book of Mehdi Shah but one point of view came from Nawaz Khan Naji whose perspective is somewhat is different from all others. Nawaz Naji draws a comparison between Nietzsche’s classical book “Thus spake Zarathustara” and Mehdi Shah’s holy confessions. He says that when he tried to read “Thus spake Zarathustara”, it went over his head and fell in a state of sub-consciousness for couple of hours. He further said that the same happened to him when he tried to read “Holy confessions”. Sources privy to Nawaz Naji are reluctant about passing any further statement and have said that permission of ISI will needed before commenting on other sections of book.
After a thumping response to his book Mehdi Shah has announced to continue his studies and has re-affirmed that this time he will clear the intermediate examination before the end of his tenure. For this purpose he has requested the examination board of Gilgit to prepare the papers from his book not from other source.
Zaighum Abbas: The writer studies politics in Government College Lahore and is associated with Khudi Pakistan. He tweets @zagume.