[Poem] How happy I was in my vale!
The singing birds, the flying falcon
The morning ray and the night mare
The life of joy, the free of tension
How happy I was in my vale
The flow of the river, the echo of the mountain
The farmer in the field, the grain to yield
The children playing, the older whispering
How happy I was in my vale
The moms implore and the father prayers
The brother’s hug and the sisters praise
The grand pa advice and the grand mom shy
How happy I was in my vale
The guests arrive and the way we serve up
The artist’s desires and the singer’s praise
The joyful festive and the giggling style
How happy I was in my vale
The journey we start and the rest we take
The amusing through-out vale & the non- stopped music
The raising of the sun and the disappearing of the moonlight
Still present in my soul and heart
How happy I was in my vale
(Firdous Karim Gojalian)
He described the nature and joyfull moments and experience of village life espcially GB in his poem excellently,and attracts someone back to his village life especially the people of GB who are working with in the coutry and acros the coutry.
Thanks for posting
Dear Firdous Karim, great effort by you. we need people like you .
i appreciate u dear .
keep it up.
Dear firdous.
Great efforts to expose the moments and memories of our homeland ,
I apperciate Your views and experiences
keep it up !
I appreciate yor are good effort…..keep it up_____
brother great provide of your poim
Nice words
This is what may be expression of youth….
Good keep it……….
I know my name on this “poyem” :-p would change taste of your mouth … but still…
Would you care to explain, shirin Khiryan:
1. What is a ‘night mare’? Is it a horse running in the night? Because I know that mare is used in those terms. Or, are you talking about “nightmare”?
2. “The free of tension”!! Is that a direct translation from Wakhi?
3. God alone knows what “The amusing through-out vale & the non- stopped music” means
4. “raising of the sun” or “the rising sun”?
5. “The joyful festive and the giggling style” … no poetic meaning, really. Believe me.
I think you first write your poems in Wakhi and then translate them to English!! That’s not going to help. Start thinking in English, if you want good poems.
You will see this sincere and frank comment if the moderator knows anything about poetry. If he does not, he will delete this.
All praise be to Allah :_0
Mr. Moomik , I think that you are silly and mad!keep it up
Mr. Moomik mask behind the devil, don’t try to discourage youth. your nothing simply a hypocrite person.
Firdous Karim well done and defeat this stupid man with your poetry. keep it up and sky is the limit
Mr/Ms momik!
u just bring all the stuff out of ur heart, control mam control. yeh thats your right to oppose ones idea but there must be a professional tone to speak, your tone simply highlights your originality. instead of pinpointing the mistakes why dont u go for a poem. lets see how much practical u r.
it is very easy to criticize but it is important to know the impact and understanding the essence of your criticism.
i will be waiting for your poem fully based on English literature including the poetic meaning.
best of luck
sartaj karim
Mr/Miss momik!
u bringing all the stuff out of your heart, Control! i know its your right to oppose someones idea but there should be a professional tone while delivering your ideas. the way u r talking truly highlights your originality and it shows the magnitude of acceptance inside you.
criticism must be there but before criticizing you must be familiar with its impact and u must know the essence of your criticism. instead of pinpointing the mistakes why dont you go for a poem yourself?
i will be waiting for your poem truly based on ENGLISH LITERATURE and POETIC TOUCH.
best of luck!
sartaj karim shaani
Dear Firdous,
I think u are a very talented man and I am glad that u have chosen poetry to express your sincere feelings. As English is not our native language and most of us if not all are uncomfortable speaking it let alone writing poetry in it. As you are very enthusiastic about writing your poems in English please make sure what ever you write is easy for ordinary people like us to understand. Could you please check the meanings of the words you use so that you use them in proper context and also you can search a word or a phrase in google or bing so that you use the proper word/phrase like as mentioned by Momik if you had searched “raising of the sun” i am sure you would have got to “the rising sun”.
My dear Firdous.
Nice poetry brother. As mentioned by Momik there are some spelling and grammatical mistakes. But the main thing is, you convey what you want to convey and that is what matters. With continuous writing i am pretty sure that the mistakes will vanish. Looking forward to your next poem.
Dear Firdous
Nice effort.Good improvement.
” SHABASH”
ISRAR
wonderful, very touching poetry.
Dear Firdous
Your poem is very interesting and truly depicts our inner feelings for our dear homeland. As mentioned above, there are some grammatical mistakes and I hope you will overcome it in your next pieces.
@ Moomik
We would love to see your poetic master pieces, if any!
Our email ID is pamir.times@gmail.com
We are waiting 🙂
Nurmomad
very beautiful articulation …..keep it up dear
Dear Firdous,
A great effort of projecting the feelings and sweet memories of the calamity hit people of Gojal. Your contribution is appreciable. What really matters is the way you communicate your feelings, not the grammar or spelling mistakes. I am sure every tender mind gets your point. Do not worry about critics…..they make you improve and help you do more. The other day I came through a nice saying: “If people are trying to pull you down…. Be proud about it, as it only confirms that you are above them”. I also look forward to the critics for contributions of disaster literatures. And I hope too that the critics would take the courage to come up with their real names instead of pseudonyms the next time they log in to comment.
A lovely poem Firdous.
The sentiments you express for your valley are the same as i feel for my native valley in South Wales UK. The poem comes from your heart and as such is beyond critisism.
I will be visiting the Karakoram later this year myself and im sure I also will be happy in your vale.
Kind regards. Peter.
well done n good effort.. those who r picking out spelling mistakes n other errors ,, dnt think they r criticising, they are all right on their way.. try to improve to the best extent… good n keep it up
Hey man u r on rhymes!!! thats really good to know… keep it up!!! but why grannie is shy?? anyways chaaooo
Common guys, I am just pointing out common mistakes. How many of you think the mistakes I have pointed out are not relevant and based on fact?
I wish there were enough students of literature here. There is a difference between a “Naqqad” and a “Shaeer/Musannif” (to put it in simple Urdu). You can’t expect a Naqqad to be a poet. If you expect, you know nothing about the art of critique and its significance for creative writers.
I have not started criticizing the subject matter. I am just suggesting that my Khiryan, Firdous, needs to take extra care of grammar/spelling/coherence. If Firdous asks me to stop the critique, I certainly will.
What do you say Khiryan!
Mr. or as according to our expression Mrs. Moomik
If you to correct your lovely KHIRYAN, why don’t you email him personally that is a more mature and literary style of correcting, helping, guiding or critically evaluating his expression.
But my humble suggestion will be to first take a peek on the topic of Stylistic or the word Poetic licenses, or Poetic expression. Just in case you will feel that here may be may be if I’m not wrong , your trying to put little impression. Truly I was impressed.
But that would have helped a young man , which is so close to you, but yes we took it as pleaser and used your own coherent imagination to get the meaning out, but may be you did not that is appreciated well, but must be more calculated.
With regard to you effort.
It is really a good effort by this young man, keep it up.
@ Momik, We all know critiquing a creative writing is very important but there are different ways to critique, Mr./Miss you are not critiquing you are just criticizing and discouraging the young poet. I really discourage your way of critique. If you are a literature student and very sincere to help him improve his creativity, you should guide him through a personal mail. Being a literature student why don’t you write a piece of poem so we could see your creativity and learn English language structure, grammar, spelling, and coherence from it.
I cent percent agree with Geeni, with due respect Mr/Ms Momik, if you think you smart enough to write pieces like this then why don’t you entertain us with your perfect writing and literature skills?
It would be a kind gesture from your side, if you privately mailed Mr. Firdous and suggest him regarding his poetry. But I guess you have developed yourself a critque machine endorsing negative critics.
Dear Momik why don’t you use your original name so we may know you. There is no point in criticizing from the background. Looks like a cowardly act.
well done my love , keep it up , i have faith in your ability!
well done jamal and karim and firdous and numlian , keep it up and me waiting for momiks poem
well done Mr. Don of NUML , keep it up , God Bless you
It is a famous person poetry and I am the friend of this poem. i miss you karim plz send your cell no.
Alas! Alas! Alas!
As they say “Khar-e-Musa ba Makka me rawad, wa choon pas me aayed, hanuz khar bashed”. Sign for the people of understanding, if there is any!
Live in the paradise of fools, self – eulogizing, rejecting critique, praising your brothers for virtues they have not performed and heights they have not achieved.
If I had not pointed out these mistakes of my Shirin Khiryan here, how many of you would have come forward to help the young man improve his writing with your original names? None.
Live in the paradise of fools because you are calling an ordinary pebble a diamond and a mundane shinning metal a piece of platinum.
Only critical mind takes you forward, remember that. Praises and appreciation without understanding and analysis is tantamount to slow poisoning of creative skills. It is one thing to be politically correct and quite another to be frank and honest.
Advice for Firdous – Don’t send your poems for publishing until you have them edited by someone better at language.
To the rest of you i give a 🙂 (smile) because that’s what you deserve. A mocking smile!
mmmm…. great poem lupyoor,,,.,.,.,…,
GOOD POEM HAI fARDOUS BAHI,,,, PROUD OF U.
Firdous:- it is a marvellous poem that you have composed and such meritorious endeavours of yours should linger on..